If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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