Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
