Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
