i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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