If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
