I should be sponsored by Trojan
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
