somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
