My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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