I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
