Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
