my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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