these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Acid is not a monday night drug
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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