You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I would fuck him just for his dog
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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