I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
