Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
