ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
