So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
