1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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