we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
