Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
