remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
