Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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