You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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