I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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