Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
