So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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