no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
