I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
