I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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