3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Never joke about your clitoris.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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