Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
