That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
