don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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