You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
