someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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