I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
