You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
