Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
