im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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