totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
