Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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