Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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