If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm both gender and math confused
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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