My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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