dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
