How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
