i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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