you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
