Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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