She said her name was "party"
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
