the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
