So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
