if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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