I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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