I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
