I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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