Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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