it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
