dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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