You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
