Will you blow on my dice?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring