If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.