What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
