Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
