you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*