remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???