there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?