In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that