Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
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Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
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He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.