We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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