my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
