There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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