We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
