Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
