Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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